THE BOYFRIEND OLYMPICS

The Boyfriend Olympics

AN EXCERPT FROM MY NEW BOOK

Why My Lady’s happiness is The Gold Medal of LIFE : 

The Boyfriend Olympics is a term I’ve created to describe the situation when three or more girlfriends get together and discuss their boyfriends. Boyfriends do not play this game, but we unknowingly participate, while the women observe and compare their boyfriends behavior and /or treatment of them. It is even more noticeable when couples go on vacation together, have dinner together, or even on a couples game night. If one boyfriend pulls out his woman’s chair and carries her coat, and the others do not, it will be noticed. If one guy makes his girlfriend’s plate, pours her wine or is more affectionate overall than others, it will also be noticed. On occasions when three or more couples are all together in one space, you can see the games begin.

When women share generous amounts of intimate details with girlfriends about their home-life, The Boyfriend Olympics will even have other women scoring each boyfriend on love, affection, gifts, sex and household chores. So If one boyfriend cooks and cleans while others do not, the ones who don’t lose points.

So in our fifth month of dating, one of Ariana’s girlfriends wanted to do a couples weekend trip for her birthday. She found a nice home to rent that could sleep eight adults comfortably. It was in their best interest to invite three other couples so that we could all split the bill and have fun together.

When I was in an unhappy relationship, I would never consent to doing anything with other couples because I was well aware that I would lose almost every category in the boyfriend Olympics. In other words, being around happy couples would highlight in sharp contrast just how unhappy I was. Now that I am in the most loving and fulfilling relationship of my life, I thrive at this friendly unspoken competition.

Also, my girlfriend tells me stories about the other men that they’ve heard from their girlfriends, so I was very aware of what some of the other women were dealing with. My girlfriend happens to be one of those women who does not share many details about me, which is a good thing. It is a form of protection from unwanted invasion of privacy. Freely volunteering unsolicited information to random associates can also be viewed as a symptom of severe insecurity. My woman has always said that no one needs to know how good I am to her, as long as she knows it.

One of the women in the group named Rhonda, was dating a man in the Navy. They had a nice apartment, nice cars, no kids, with a dog and a cat and she always talked about her boyfriend.

This girlfriend seemed to have a happy relationship and to love her man, however there was a handful of comments that she made about her boyfriend that raised eyebrows. She would make little jokes that suggested that her boyfriend didn’t seem as eager to spend time with her. For example, she once joked that she could be swinging on a stripper pole in the living-room and fall off and hit the ground awkwardly while practicing, and he still would not notice, because his eyes stayed glued to the video game on television.

The night the girlfriends returned from a day trip to D.C, my girl told me that Rhonda texted her man on the way home to say that she is interested in having relations when she arrives. I believe she used the phrase “demon-time”. I didn’t know what this phrase meant, so Ariana played the Beyoncé and Meg the Stallion song that the term came from. I hated the song, and I also dislike the phrase, but somehow, Rhonda was informed that her boyfriend was not interested in “demon-time” and she laughed it off as if she was not surprised by his reply. However, I was shocked when I heard this. I thought to myself, why wouldn’t you want to make love to your woman the very moment she returns from a girls night out? And even if you didn’t want to, why would you say that?

After a girls night out, she’s probably had a few drinks and has a buzz, she probably got dressed up and did her hair and makeup, they’ve probably went dancing or sang karaoke or did other fun girly things that probably solicited stares and advances from random guys. During girls night out, they’re also playing in the boyfriend Olympics.

So Even if you are not planning on having sex with your woman that night, why not give her something to look forward to? Why text her back and say “Not tonight baby, I’m tired”. Instead of, “Ok Love-Cant wait to see you”

I’m not sure what exact words he used to reply, but the end result was Rhonda announcing to a car full of intoxicated ladies that “my man doesn’t want to make love to me tonight.” Meanwhile, the other girls are judging the boyfriend who denies his girlfriend this request. This is not how you win the Boyfriend Olympics.

This is an easy one for me. Just agree to intimacy for now, and make her smile and look forward to it all the way home. Then when she gets there, even if you are too tired, she may accept as a second option, just laying close to you, knowing that she is loved and desired. The true intention is to give your girlfriend happy moments. Anytime you can seize on an opportunity to make her smile until her cheeks hurt or make her feel warm and tingly inside, you should do it.

My girlfriend didn’t have to say anything about this subject, she was internally enjoying the sweet thought that when she gets home, she will be getting some good loving. I would much rather her ride with this happy thought in her head, than without it.

The girls arrived home a little after 4AM. I was wide awake, checking her location on my phone so that I knew how close she was, and I had the front door open when she pulled up. The girls were sleeping in the car and after a long drive, she was searching the back seat for her phone to call me and wake me up. Obviously, she wanted help carrying her bags and stuff from the car. When they saw the door open, they all busted out laughing. They told Ariana, not to worry about calling, your man is wide awake waiting for you with the light on and the door open. They teasingly sang that“ I’m a leave the door open” song by Bruno Mars. What was not said, just understood, was them thinking, “ Your man really loves you!!”

Now had I been sleeping when she arrived and didn’t hear the phone ring, she may have had to drag bags up the walkway or even up the steps (if we lived in an apartment). That might have been an unpleasant experience for her, but it most certainly does not mean that I don’t love my woman. However, the fact that the door was open and the only light on this dark street was coming from our doorway, is a symbolic confirmation that my woman is loved and cared for. Juxtapose this with the other boyfriends being sleep or unreachable at this hour, makes me win another round of the boyfriend Olympics. If you are one of the other boyfriends in this scenario, it is possible that your girl wishes that she was getting the same treatment.

Clearly, it is not my intention to make other boyfriends look worst. I don’t care how they look. I would leave the door open and the light on for my girl no matter who she was with and where she was coming from. I will make her plate, pour her wine, buy her gifts and do everything else that scores “points” regardless of the situation. It is just the way I choose to express my love.

However, one of the cheat codes in love is to impress your lady”s friends. Once the friends have approved, it is a constant reinforcement around her. Even though our relationship is about how we feel, and the opinions of others are mostly irrelevant, relationships are usually more enjoyable if the friends like the boyfriend, rather than disliking him. It is even more noticeable, if they see you doing the things that look and feel like true love., it leaves a good impression.

In no way, should you be directing your energies towards this, or staging fake moments to impress friends. However, when these moments occur organically, people do take notice of them. And in my experience, if you are constantly being present for your lady, these moments happen randomly and often.

Ladies know that when their girlfriends don’ t like the vibes of the man she is dating, this is usually a red flag. The sisterhood is there to protect you. Women can too often be vulnerable to insincere advances from charming men who are deceptive predators out for conquest to boost their ego. Many women have a radar for men who may be violent, damaged or dishonest with one of their girlfriends. Unfortunately, their radar does not always work on themselves when they are being love bombed by a man who presents himself as the perfect catch. So it is a form of protection for women when their girlfriends meet their new love interest and judge him based on their own observation and information that you’ve given them. If one of the ladies in the group dislike him, it can be a random personality preference, however, if they all dislike him, it is usually something too serious to ignore.

For example, my girlfriend has expressed that one of the women in their group had a boyfriend that none of the other women liked. This was one of the couples who were supposed to go on the trip with us, but they had some serious issues. These were the types of issues that made us hesitant to go on vacation with them, and even gave room to doubt whether they would even attend. To list just the facts there was a restraining order, police reports, court dates, a busted car window, a stalker who accused the boyfriend of taking drugs, cheating and rape, and a prescription found for an STD medication all within six months. Apparently, this guy still had a cell phone in his ex girlfriend’s name, and she also told the group that he would use her car and stay out until six AM for reasons. I suspect that he was just using her. Also, my girlfriend said that she saw him several times, and he never even spoke to her. She thought it was so weird that one of her close friend’s boyfriend would not even make eye contact and say “hello” to her.

Unfortunately this type of couple is too dangerous to spend time with. I would not trust that things would go well and there is no need to risk our vacation by being with people who have a history of toxic behavior and drama.

Eventually the girls had an intervention to tell this woman about her situation and how it was affecting them all. The stalker chick even called my girls phone and left threatening texts with our home address typed in the message. She claimed to be wanting to get in touch with the girlfriend, but she was being ignored. So she wanted my girl to pass on the message. The message was to tell her friend that her man has been using her car to come visit this side chick. My girlfriend blocked and ignored the stalker, but this accusation was consistent with the information about him staying out all night with her car.

This woman and my girl eventually became more and more distant, and that unhealthy relationship was one of the reasons. Our trip was canceled and she made a big display of breaking up with him and kicking him out of her apartment after he unexpectedly quit his job one night. However, we soon discovered that she took him back again, and has been secretly still sleeping with him. I suppose she was just too ashamed to admit it to her girlfriends, because she knows how weak it makes her look.

I realize that people change, and hopefully the relationships I’ve written about in this chapter will improve as folks grow older and wiser. Or maybe, they will come to an end and open the door for something better. In my experience, it isn’t hard to tell if someone is a good fit for you. Listen to your intuition and trust your gut. It is better to end a risky relationship very early in the process, before you get in too deep. Have confidence in yourself that you are a great person and deserving of love, joy and happiness. This will make you less likely to settle for someone who is not the best match.

Being successful in love is one of the biggest factors toward a happy fulfilling life. Long term relationships can also help with practical matters such as health, wellness and finances. Of course, when children and family are part of the picture, the bonds become thicker. So finding and being a good partner should be important to people. Also emphasizing this to younger generations at an early age is vital. Especially to young boys.

As in all things, the best way to lead is by example.

If you are in a healthy relationship, I believe you should celebrate the highlights and let people in your circle see the benefits of having and being a good partner in love. The happiness, the romance, the memories, the affection should be on display for the ones who look for love and enjoy seeing it. In other words, give people something to hope for and aspire to, if you have it. Normalize happiness, joy and laughter, it is contagious. So spread love, because if you are in love, people should be able to tell.

Just like when you are angry, people can tell. When you are sad, confused, depressed or afraid, people can tell.

These comparisons are not meant to drive competition or make people jealous or insecure. It is to identify tiny little moments that hit differently depending on how connected you are to your loved one.